Author Archives: SandraJane

Angry Rants

Angry rants. We have all experienced them. Most of the time we are victims of the rant, and some of us have been the perpetrators of the rant, spewing venomous words at random and letting the poison land where it will.

Some of us find ourselves targets of rants while expressing our opinions through social media. Often, people will respond to a rant with a similar attitude, using similar words, and end up adding fuel to the fire of the original ranter. This serves no purpose.

How well do you handle angry rants that are directed at you? angry-rant

Reflecting on our own angry rants can help us muddle through rants when we are the target.

  • For instance, have you ever noticed a time when you blew up at someone or about something that had nothing to do with the reasons or situations that made you angry?
  • Often, we can be upset about something at home and yet take it out on someone at work, or vice versa.
  • One person may make us angry, while another person suffers the effects of that anger because we feel uncomfortable speaking up to the one(s) who caused the anger. We hurt the ones we love with this type of angry rant because we trust them to NOT leave us.

The important thing is to recognize what is really happening.

It is important to understand the mental process behind people’s rants. They are often afraid of change and are fearful of people who are “different” from them. This fear causes them to lash out verbally against whatever they perceive to be threatening their way of life.

“It’s Not About You” is an excellent article that explains how to deal with these ranters.

“Understanding that you aren’t responsible for other people’s behavior is liberating. When you know that words spoken in anger aren’t really about you, the attack, while still unpleasant, doesn’t have to damage your self-esteem. It’s also easier to find a way to forgive the other person.”

 

 

Psychologist Carl Rogers

Famous and noteworthy psychotherapists…

Carl Rogers (1902 – 1987)

Favorite Carl Rogers quote:

The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.

 

Carl Rogers, an American psychologist, has the distinct honor of being known as the father of Person Centered therapy, also known as Client Centered therapy.

He believed the role of a psychotherapist was to enable a person to come to certain deductions and therefore solutions on their own, with a little help from the therapist.

Here is a video of Carl Rogers at a lecture on Empathy.

 

Rogers is also known for his philosophy regarding “arguments.” He believed one should not argue a point until they completely understood the other person’s point of view.

 

This polite and civil type of argument is known as a Rogerian Argument.

 

Here’s an easy explanation of Rogerian Arguments in a YouTube video:

 

Anxiety and Panic

While dealing with agoraphobia I was once in panic the day before I was to take a short road-trip with my daughter. It was only two hours at the most, depending on traffic, but a large bridge was involved, as was meeting new people and having conversations with them.

Mighty big bridge causes anxiety for some

Mighty big bridge causes anxiety for some

I made it, and so can you.

I just read this article on Deepak Chopra’s website regarding Chaos and I found it to be insightful and helpful. Feel free to visit and read the entire article. I have included what I found to be most helpful below.

My application of this and my interpretation follows the excerpt.

What Is a Positive Emotional Anchor?

From the teaching of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), comes the concept of an anchor. The simplest way to explain an anchor is to think of it as a link to an emotional state. The anchor serves as a reminder or a trigger that puts you into a certain state of being. Of course, anchors can be both positive and negative; however, we’re going to focus on positive anchors.

For example, an athlete will use an anchor to get back into “the zone” so they can regain peak performance in a game. It may be a visual image of shooting the perfect basket or knocking the ball out of the park. A professional speaker will have a routine they do before going on stage to remind them of the positive states they want to be in while presenting. This routine is their way of setting up an anchor—or a positive state. You can use this same concept at any time to help you get out of a chaotic state.

– See more at: http://www.chopra.com/ccl/from-chaos-to-calm-in-an-instant-how-to-create-a-positive-anchor

Application

In the circumstance I mentioned earlier, I created an anchor by thinking about having my daughter to myself for the round-trip and how much fun we would have catching up, talking, and most importantly, laughing.

I then started to think about some of the things I would like to speak to her about – not motherly advice things – but things that interest her. Where does she see herself in five years? Is she happy with her boyfriend? Is he the one, or is he just the right one for right now. How does she feel about a political or social issue right now. I would ask her to tell me about her job and how it makes her feel.

I began to visualize the conversation and realized I needed to insert some humor, so I began to brainstorm some silly things I had seen on Facebook.

And then there’s gossip. Did you hear about what happened to _______?

My visualization calmed me and gave me peace.

Focus on the anchor, and the rest will fall into place.

Also, I knew I could count on her for help and support just in case I had a panic or anxiety attack. She would help me make a fast exit either to the restroom or outside. She’s that kind of girl.