Category Archives: Anger

Stop Spanking Children

Hopefully, the latest release about parenting from The American Academy of Pediatrics will finally convince people to stop spanking children.

This is not meant as a chastisement to parents who spank, because in most cases, parents are simply disciplining their children in the same manner that their parents disciplined them.

No one is saying that previous generations of parents who spanked their children were evil; we’re simply stating that now we know better and we should act accordingly.

Research has proven that spanking children is not healthy.

It’s time to change the way we discipline.

Why is the change so difficult?

Too often I see memes on Facebook from adults who grew up with spankings, advocating spankings as a good thing. After all, they turned out all right, or did they?

We seem to be surrounded by a mentality that supposes what happened to them should happen to you, their children, etc.

Likewise, when speaking of helping others, or finding a better way, I often hear a similar excuse for things to remain the same. No one helped me, so why should anyone get help now?

The results of non-violent parenting are worth it.

As a parent with two grown children, I can proudly say that they were not spanked. They turned out great. They’re both hard-working women with generous hearts and I’m proud to call them mine.

What does spanking teach the child?

Does it teach them that it is okay to hit someone who has made you mad, or hurt you, or caused you some kind of discomfort?

I’ve always said that spanking children simply teaches them that violence is an acceptable means to an end. In reality, spanking children is little more than bullying.

Think about it… The bigger person (the parent) forces the smaller person (the child) to do as the parent wishes by overpowering them and causing them physical pain.

child spanking doll

 

There are many more acceptable, peaceful ways to discipline children.

Redirecting their attention works for smaller children.

Time outs are not good for small children at home. It makes them feel alienated and rejected by the people they love most in the world – their parents.

For older children:

  • Talk about it! Ask how they feel; feel what they feel, and then help them deal with it.
  • Discussion with appropriate understanding. Ask them what they would do if they were the parent of a child who did what they did, said what they said, etc. Then explain what you are going to do and why you chose to handle it this way.
  • Expectations are important and not always obvious to children and teens. Let them know what you expect from them. Talk about love and respect.
  • Additional chores – with consequences if not completed.
  • Additional homework – such as research and a short essay related to the offense, or additional work on a subject they are struggling with such as math or social studies.
  • Be a deal maker. Compromise. Make it a learning experience.

Make time

Remember, dealing with behavioral problems take some time. Quick fixes rarely change the behavior long-term. Make the time to deal with the situation and hopefully save time and frazzled nerves in the future.

Identify Underlying Issues

If none of these work, then perhaps the child / teenager needs counseling to determine the underlying reason that authority and rules are ignored, assuming that they have previously been examined by a pediatrician for any potential conditions that could cause their behavior.

 

From CNN:

In a new policy statement, published in the journal Pediatrics on Monday, the pediatricians’ group recommends that adults caring for children use “healthy forms of discipline” — such as positive reinforcement of appropriate behaviors, setting limits and setting expectations — and not use spanking, hitting, slapping, threatening, insulting, humiliating or shaming.

 

From NPR:

“We know that the brain does not grow and develop as well once there has been physical punishment to the point where it can cause learning problems, problems with vocabulary and memory, as well as aggressive behavior,” Shu said.

 

From We Have Kids:

The United Nations Committee on the Rights of the Child issued a statement in which they called it “legalized violence against children.” Yet, many moms and dads here stubbornly insist it’s a parent’s right to punish their youngster any way they see fit.

 

 

Dementia and Anger

Realizing that your loved one is suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease can be devastating. Regardless of how much you learn about the progression of such conditions, it can still be shocking and heartbreaking when your loved one exhibits extreme symptoms of dementia and anger.

Knowing what to do and how to handle potential situations can help alleviate the stress of caregivers. This article addresses anger and aggression issues that may arise with those suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease.

confusion

 

Sometimes anger can lead to aggressive behavior, which can lead to a potentially dangerous situation not only for your loved one, but also for those caring for them.

Safety – with compassion – is the priority.

While it may sound insulting, the truth is that the best way to deal with a confused person affected by dementia, is by alleviating their fears, much like you would with a small child.

Most of the chaotic emotions Alzheimer’s patients are dealing with stem from their lack of understanding about what is happening to them, their confusion about where they are or who they’re with, and their loss of what they believe to be their every day life, which in reality was lived many years or even decades ago.

Try to remember this.

Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients are living in a time warp that makes no sense to them; they are scared and confused.

It can be shocking when your loved one exhibits extreme symptoms of dementia. Click To Tweet

elderly couple

 

First, reassure them that you are taking care of whatever issue has them upset. You could also name another person that they trust and say that they are handling the situation.

Affirm that everything is going to be fine.

Second, find something to get them involved with that will divert their attention.

A short walk through the house might work, while talking about furniture, artwork, house chores, etc. Perhaps they can fold some towels, look at some photographs, put a puzzle together, or check on some houseplants to see if they need watering. Maybe it’s time to eat a meal or a snack, or just have a cup of water, tea or juice.

Be creative and be prepared.

While it may sound insulting, the best way to deal with a confused person affected by dementia, is by alleviating their fears, much like you would with a small child. #Alzheimers #Dementia Click To Tweet

 

Help them feel useful – Give them a task

 

If folding clothes works for your loved one,
then always have a basket of towels nearby that they can fold.

 

activities

 

Reasoning with your parent might not be the best option. Instead, say what you need to in order to make them feel safe or reassured. So, if they are demanding to go home, don’t tell them they already are home. Instead, explain that they can’t leave right at that moment because the weather or traffic is bad.

 

Resources:

 

 

kindness is never wasted

angry rant

Angry Rants

Angry rants. We have all experienced them. Most of the time we are victims of the rant, and some of us have been the perpetrators of the rant, spewing venomous words at random and letting the poison land where it will.

Some of us find ourselves targets of rants while expressing our opinions through social media. Often, people will respond to a rant with a similar attitude, using similar words, and end up adding fuel to the fire of the original ranter.

This serves no purpose.

 

How well do you handle angry rants that are directed at you? angry-rant

Reflecting on our own angry rants can help us muddle through rants when we are the target.

  • For instance, have you ever noticed a time when you blew up at someone or about something that had nothing to do with the reasons or situations that made you angry?
  • Often, we can be upset about something at home and yet take it out on someone at work, or vice versa.
  • One person may make us angry, while another person suffers the effects of that anger because we feel uncomfortable speaking up to the one(s) who caused the anger. We hurt the ones we love with this type of angry rant because we trust them to NOT leave us.

 

The important thing is to…

recognize what is really happening.

It is important to understand the mental process behind people’s rants. They are often afraid of change and are fearful of people who are “different” from them. This fear causes them to lash out verbally against whatever they perceive to be threatening their way of life.

 

“It’s Not About You” is an excellent article that explains how to deal with these ranters.

“Understanding that you aren’t responsible for other people’s behavior is liberating. When you know that words spoken in anger aren’t really about you, the attack, while still unpleasant, doesn’t have to damage your self-esteem. It’s also easier to find a way to forgive the other person.”